I haven’t quite been my online self since the New Year commenced. I’ve been experiencing something that’s a mix between an online burn out, and boredom. There are so few things that I still find inspiring and exciting, and I seem to have a case of ants in my metaphorical pants. I feel like at my age, twenty five years old, I’ve done so much, and absolutely nothing at the same time. The first time I felt this way, I packed up everything and became a flight attendant abroad, with the most exciting and jam-packed life ever. The second time this happened, I packed up over there and came right back home.
I can feel a big change coming again. I don’t know what it is, good or bad or if I will cause it myself, but if it does happen, remember this post, and that I totally called it – kinda. This could also just really be a very dramatic post/moment on my part, and I’ll be back the way I usually am, or not. I just know something has got to give. Anyone remember that time Jay-Z said he was retiring because he was uninspired and he owed it to his work to leave it alone if it wasn’t coming from somewhere real? He released some pretty sick music after that regardless of his statement.
It’s not that I want to stop blogging, or that I don’t care, or that I’ve lost my drive. I’m just a quality over quantity kind of girl, and yet I’m also putting a little less pressure on myself to perform, and trying to relax a more. I’m still doing that crazy thing where I try and fill every gap in my schedule with projects and people I feel guilty about “owing” quality time (fun fact; I’m a make-up artist now too). So I’m slowly trying to incorporate better habits, and prioritise living my life a bit more beyond online, beyond family and beyond expectations. I’ve learnt how to say “no”, but I’m currently trying to master it. If I get that right, and it’s the “big change” I’ve been pre-empting, I think I’ll be pretty happy.
Versace shades from Sunglass Hut, Caftan from Saudi, Candy Yum Yum lip colour from MAC
Photograph by Lisa Gabriel